My first baby, Louis

My very first baby, Louis.

I have been more than M.I.A., because all that has been on my mind is the horrific loss of my sweet boy Louis. I’ve never felt a loss this great, with such anger and pain that won’t go away.

I wanted to dedicate this post to him and his story in hopes that happier thoughts start to resonate and raise more awareness to something I never thought possible or even imaginable.

He was originally diagnosed with a respiratory infection after we noticed a few weeks of him being a bit more lethargic. I honestly thought at age 8 he was just getting older. The few weeks of soft whimpers to be picked up on the bed in the middle of the night because he could no longer jump up should’ve been a sign but I took it sadly as old age. With his diagnose I was trying to be hopeful that in a week he would feel brand new after antibiotics, as I was told by the Vet. A few days later, he looked worse than ever which lead to a life changing call with results coming back negative to what he was diagnosed with. My heart dropped right then and there, because deep down I knew all along something wasn’t right with my sweet boy, and that call solidified everything.

The anger still arises, thinking why didn’t we notice earlier? Could we have done something sooner? Could he have suffered less had the Veterinarians suggested me to a specialist sooner rather than having me and my sick dog come back and forth for more tests with no answer?

Of course as desperate parents, we got an appointment the very next morning after that call for more tests and x-rays followed by another appointment with sadly no answers. He was given fluids immediately due to his state and finally suggested to a specialist. His health was rapidly decreasing by the hour. It was crazy to witness the escalation especially since just a few weeks ago he was running all over the park with his favorite toy. The specialist was trying to be optimistic with the results and so was my husband. They found a large mass in a his prostate that he believed was an abscess. He also found small nodules in the lungs which he wasn’t worried about at the time until the actual biopsy came back as prostate cancer, which meant this cancer was aggressive and had already spread. Prostate Cancer is extremely rare, and even more rare in a small dog and EVEN more rare in a dog that has been neutered. Which was why his diagnosis was so difficult to chase after.

It only took a few more days for the pain to be too much for him to bear with sleepless nights and lots of restless comforting snuggles. Even with fluids and the highest pain medication offered, he could not last until the first “open” consultation appointment 5 days after his diagnosis to even discuss radiation. Radiation in hopes to keep him in his current state for up to a few weeks to a year, if lucky.

I will stop here as this post brings me to tears just as every little daily, hourly, reminder of him does. He is and will always be my first baby. Our love for LA began because our baby could come with us practically everywhere; shopping, the beach (his all time fav), hiking, restaurants, you name it, LA accommodated. We were a family and once Adaline was born I was excited for our pack of 4 to explore even more. That’s what hurts me the most. To not have my sweet baby girl grow up to know his sweet soul and all the true love he had to offer.

The only peace I find out of this is that his suffering has ended and that he is in a better place. He will FOREVER and ALWAYS be in my heart, in my thoughts and in my prayers. Louis truly was an angel and he will live on as Adaline’s guardian angel, always watching over her and always with us.

I love you sweet Louis. I look forward to the days that I can reminisce and smile when thinking of you rather than break down in tears. I’m not sure when that day will come. Rest in peace my baby.

Michelle

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